The Summer of Self-Love

Remember the Summer of Love? It was San Francisco, 1967, and anything felt possible. Music was psychedelic, flowers had power, and we chanted to make love, not war. The song “Love the One You’re With” hadn’t yet hit the airwaves, but that philosophy was nearing a zeitgeist.

It's now 2023 and barefoot flower children have given way to venture capitalists in $800 shoes. But “love the one you’re with” still makes compelling sense when we realize: Who are we with right now? Who are we with all the time?

We’re with ourselves! So let’s do something truly radical and show ourselves some love! Let’s make 2023 the Summer of Self-Love!

Self-love is not selfishness or self-centeredness; it’s quite the opposite. How can we tell the difference? Because selfishness feels awful to ourselves and everyone around us, but self-love feels delicious. Self-love is self-kindness, self-compassion, self-consideration and self-appreciation. It’s treating ourselves with the same loyalty and thoughtfulness we’d naturally extend to anyone we held dear.

For example: If your best friend were feeling blue, how would you raise their spirits? You’d take them to the beach! Treat them to an ice cream! Then drag them to a buddy movie full of juvenile jokes that make you laugh like loons!

Self-love means we take ourselves to the beach, we treat ourselves to  the ice cream, we see the silliest movie on offer. And we invite a friend or ten to come with us.

If your favorite aunt needed a boost, what would you do? You’d buy her a new hat! Well, maybe you wouldn’t, but you should! Because nothing affords a new outlook on life like a new hat.

Try it—take yourself to a hat store and try on hats. Leave with a new hat, a new view, a new you! That’s excellent self-love and by the way, you have never looked more fabulous. Or more sun-protected.

Sometimes people we barely know offer us a gift. Why? Because they want to. Our instinct may be a well-mannered “Oh, I couldn’t possibly!” But some people just love to give gifts for the pure pleasure of giving. And we can help them be happy by accepting that gift, just as happily.

Let’s practice: “Thank you so much for this generous gift! I love it and I gladly accept!” In that one interaction, you’ve exercised self-love and allowed the giver to love themselves too!

Let’s look at the daily small things. Do you simply crave a slice of New York pizza with extra cheese, but you resist because calories?

Eat the pizza. Savor the pizza. Love yourself for loving the pizza.

Sometimes we’re lonely but we don’t reach out because we’re oddly embarrassed to be lonely, because shouldn’t we be tougher and more mature than that? Nonsense! That’s not self-love—that’s self-deprivation.

Drop in on a friend. Knock on a neighbor’s door. If you belong to a church or temple or mosque, go to service. If you’re in recovery, go to a meeting. Chances are, everyone will be as thrilled to see you as you are to see them. Recovery loves company. Self-love loves hugs.

Are you slogging through a novel that’s boring the bejesus out of you, but you keep forcing yourself read it because … why?

Put down that prize-winning block of boredom! You are under no obligation to read a dull book. The world is bursting with delightful books, and you are free to read them. (While remembering that money spent at an independent bookstore is always money well spent.)

Do you commonly save the fanciest food, the most delicate China, the prettiest glassware for company?

YOU are your best (and most constant) company. Self-love means you put on the Ritz for your own glorious self. And while we’re on the topic …

If you drink coffee, make it the freshest, most delicious coffee you can find. Life is too short to drink bad coffee. Or weak tea.

Do you enjoy giving compliments to random people but hold back for fear of, what? Making them too happy?

Give the compliments! And while you’re at it: accept the compliments!

What do you like most about yourself?

Do more of that. While loving yourself enough to appreciate your assets.

What do you like least about yourself?

Do less of that, while loving yourself enough to examine areas due improvement.

Also: Buy yourself flowers. Buy a friend flowers. Plant flowers. Paint flowers. The original ‘60s flower children were right about that: flowers ARE powerful.

It’s 2023’s Summer of Self-Love, which feels marvelous to us and everyone around us.

And don’t forget to wear the hat!